Story - On my own

*Ping* "You are the best, sis!"

I looked at the message and I felt......nothing. Stoned, maybe? It's like being general anaesthetic. That's right. Numb. There is no one to blame for this but myself. My own stubbornness, pig-headedness and stupidness resulted to this situation I am in.

A missed chance.

How many times has my heart been wronged? But it felt so right this time. Wrong timing? I do not know. Is it me? Probably. That self-defence mechanism is far too finely oiled and that protective shield is way too thick and hard.

If only...

I was once asked, what's the worst that can happen if he pulls back? At that time, I simply replied, I just move on with my life. How true it is when one said, it is easier said than done. The cliché phrase here would be: my heart is broken and I don't know whether I can move on.

Hollywood sells the idea of love at first sight or falling in love with sparks and fireworks. A girl and a guy meets and the whole world turns upside down. Many drama happens in between but in the end, they both end up together and live happily ever after. When you fall in love, you fall hard and fast.

But is it really like that?

As time goes by, I noticed many things that made him different from the others. My definition of time is not just over a course of weeks or months. I meant years. A simple friendship that grew and grew. By the time I realised it, I was rather surprised.

Maybe we are just not meant to be. Right now, in the mist of sorting out my messed up emotions, I am very grateful that we are still close friends and he has not shut me out. This is more than enough.

Gradually falling in love is one of the loveliest things that can happen. I said this because you get to know and love that person for who he or she truly is. Not just the persona he or she put out front for the general public to know. Being allowed to truly know a person is a privilege that I never take for granted.

So what's the story here?

My story is this: never ever take things and chances for granted because once it's gone, it's gone. I missed my chance. Don't miss yours.

How well the song "On my own" from the musical Les Misérables describe my current situation. The final line goes: I love him......but only on my own.