Story - On my own

*Ping* "You are the best, sis!"

I looked at the message and I felt......nothing. Stoned, maybe? It's like being general anaesthetic. That's right. Numb. There is no one to blame for this but myself. My own stubbornness, pig-headedness and stupidness resulted to this situation I am in.

A missed chance.

How many times has my heart been wronged? But it felt so right this time. Wrong timing? I do not know. Is it me? Probably. That self-defence mechanism is far too finely oiled and that protective shield is way too thick and hard.

If only...

I was once asked, what's the worst that can happen if he pulls back? At that time, I simply replied, I just move on with my life. How true it is when one said, it is easier said than done. The cliché phrase here would be: my heart is broken and I don't know whether I can move on.

Hollywood sells the idea of love at first sight or falling in love with sparks and fireworks. A girl and a guy meets and the whole world turns upside down. Many drama happens in between but in the end, they both end up together and live happily ever after. When you fall in love, you fall hard and fast.

But is it really like that?

As time goes by, I noticed many things that made him different from the others. My definition of time is not just over a course of weeks or months. I meant years. A simple friendship that grew and grew. By the time I realised it, I was rather surprised.

Maybe we are just not meant to be. Right now, in the mist of sorting out my messed up emotions, I am very grateful that we are still close friends and he has not shut me out. This is more than enough.

Gradually falling in love is one of the loveliest things that can happen. I said this because you get to know and love that person for who he or she truly is. Not just the persona he or she put out front for the general public to know. Being allowed to truly know a person is a privilege that I never take for granted.

So what's the story here?

My story is this: never ever take things and chances for granted because once it's gone, it's gone. I missed my chance. Don't miss yours.

How well the song "On my own" from the musical Les Misérables describe my current situation. The final line goes: I love him......but only on my own.

When I meet disappointment face to face

As some of you might know, I am suppose to be heading to Penang and Taiping with a friend. It is suppose to be our graduation trip. Since we know each other in Semester 1, we have been talking about making this trip to Penang. 3 whole years, we planned and we talked. Finally, we took action and we waited in anticipation for today.

But here I am, sitting in my living room, writing this blog post. Why? Well, due to some unforeseen health related issues (My poor friend, not me. I am perfectly good. No worries.), the trip has to be cancelled. 3 long years of anticipation vanished. All the fun that we dreamt of is gone.

At first, my friend asked to delay our trip for a day. I was a little upset but still fine. But later on when she told me that she really couldn't make it and we have to cancel everything, that was when I really broke down and cried.

I cannot deny that I selfishly thought of myself when I receive the news. "I" am so disappointed. "I" am so sad. This is not happening to "ME". "MY" graduation trip is gone. Everything is about "I" and "me".

I also cannot deny that I was mad at my friend. Why didn't she take better care of herself? Why, of all times, she has to get ill at this time? All the "whys". All the blame. All the accusations. It is as if she purposely get herself ill to not go on this trip.

Sure, I have been disappointed many times. But this is a different kind of disappointment. It is a long awaited, long anticipated, most looked-forward trip and we were SO close to making it happen. Just THIS close. Our 3-year dream is THIS close to coming true. Then circumstances intervene and everything was flush down the drain.

Can you feel it? That disappointment? It's a million knives stabbed into your heart. The whole world's sadness is suddenly on your shoulders.

I received the news yesterday night and I cried in selfishness and anger. But it all changed this morning after I spoke with her mother. Not by choice, mind you. I called her to double confirm the cancellation of the room reservation and her mother picked up the call instead.

That was when I realised that this isn't all about me. It's "US". She cried too. She was disappointed too. She is feeling exactly the same thing I am feeling. She also has to deal with one more emotion called guilt. This isn't MY trip. It's OUR trip. Suddenly, I felt horrible for pointing fingers. I had let disappointment cloud my judgement and made me into a selfish, self-centred, uncaring friend.

My friend is suffering until the point where she has to give up a trip that she had longed for. Yet here I am, accusing her like it's her fault. This is wrong and I felt so horrible and sorry for even having those thoughts in my head.

After cancelling the reservation, I cried again. For a long time, I just cried. But this time, it is for the both of us. I cried because life isn't fair sometimes. I cried because I know there might not be a next time soon. I cried because she is suffering. I cried for lost dreams. So many reasons and everything is about us.

When I meet disappointment face to face, it is so easy to put myself first. It is so human to be selfish and putting the blame on someone is too easy. But is this right? What good will come out of this? Can this change anything? No. Nothing good will come out of this.

This is life. It isn't fair and it is full of unpleasant surprises. You just got to accept it, get over it and move on. There is no one to blame for this. It's just....circumstances came in the way of life and sacrifices have to be made. Pointing fingers will only cause more trouble.

Yes, I am still upset and disappointed about the failed trip. But, I suppose there will always be a next time. Don't know when that will be but when there's a will, there's a way. Not all hope is lost. It will take some time for me to get over this. At least I am able to sincerely tell my friend that I don't blame her and this is nobody's fault.

I am really sorry for being selfish. It isn't right. I will try my best not to let my emotions cloud my judgement next time.

#22

So, I am officially 22 years old for a day. What does it feel like, you might ask. After a while, age really becomes a number and birthdays are just like any other day. Except, maybe, you might get some gifts and well wishes.

My 22nd isn't as dramatic as my 21st. What with my face being slapped into a cake and then getting thrown into the sea. Nah. It was pretty quiet compared to last year. I still smile whenever I think about my 21st. A moment in my life where I will never forget.

But one thing is really scary though. My final results were released on my birthday. So, there is only two ways my day will go: 1. really happy because my results are good and everything is just perfect or 2. really upset because my results are bad and everything is ruin. Well, thank God. It was good enough. My day wasn't ruin at all. Yays!

There is really nothing much to say. Just a short post. Like a diary entry. God has been good to me throughout my 22 years of life. I have a wonderful (but sometimes exasperating. hehe.) family and many awesome friends. What more can I ask for? There are the usual ups and downs, but God is good. Life is good.

A BIG thank you to my family, all my friends and my family in Christ. Without all your support and encouragement, I wouldn't be here today and I wouldn't be who I am today. I still have a lot to learn and a long road to walk. So, please do continue to point out my mistakes to me and teach me. I beg for your forgiveness if I had done or said anything that had hurt you.

Last but not least, I CAN GRADUATE!! Can't wait for my convocation in November!

Next, finding a job... *screams*

The next chapter of my life is going to begin soon~

Before it's too late

"You mustn't cry in front of people." "You cannot show any negative emotions to others." "Crying is shameful and embarrassing."

And so, I learnt to act tough and strong. I smiled and laughed even when I was breaking and wilting inside. Oh, I can act. I can really act when I want to.

But when I am alone, the tears cannot come. Because it's too late. What's left behind is an empty shell and buried pain. There is no outlet.

Tonight, dark thoughts entered and surrounded my mind. I cannot help it. I cannot stop it. Voices whispers in my mind, taunting me and ripping me apart.

Yet no tears came.

It's too late.

I believe emotions have to be dealt with there and then. For me, it's unhealthy to stop an emotion from running it's course. I find it more harmful to me than beneficial.

When I sleep, nightmares visit me. I will be trapped in it, unable to wake up. Again and again, I will be having the same nightmare. Reliving the horror again and again. A terrifying side effect of bottled up emotions? Maybe.

Tonight, I am losing my battle. I cannot take it anymore.

I am a master of deception. I can only cover up so much. In the end, no matter how much I cover up, I still can never run away from myself.

When you see through your own deception, your picture perfect world comes crumbling now. It's over.

It's too late.

......

You...

I am sorry. I want to fight. I tell you to fight. Yet, here I am, losing my will to fight. I am such a hypocrite.

But you kept the voices at bay. You might not know it but you did.

I didn't want you to go. I fear that if you did, I will be lost forever. Gone. But I cannot ask you to stay. That would be too selfish of me. 

I kept telling you to go because I don't want you to see me like this. This other darker, broken side of me that I am so ashamed of. 

It is not your duty to stay. I don't want you to stay either. Go. Be free. Fight.

Thank you for everything. What have I done to deserve your friendship? You really are a blessing and a gift from God.

Now, go. Before it's too late...

Story - Part 5: Aftermath

"Who are you?"

He smiled.

"Never mind who am I. As long as you are alright. I have to go. Goodbye!"

"Wait! Don't leave!"

She gasped and opened her eyes.

"Don't leave!"

"Miss? Are you alright?"

"Where...? Who are you?"

"I am Dr G. You are in the hospital. Your family members stepped out for a moment. They should be back soon."

"Where is he?"

"Where is who?"

"That guy! He was the one that convinced me to live! Where is he?"

"Well, I don't see any other guy here. I just came in. But you lost a lot of blood and when you were sent here, we thought we would lose you. Your mother was in a very bad shape."

She turned her head away, momentarily lost in thought.

"Miss?"

She looked at the doctor again. He was looking at her hospital chart.

"Whatever you are going through, it's really not worth throwing your life away. Talk to someone about your problems. Seek professional help. Life is precious. Don't throw it away just like that."

She nodded. He smiled and left.

"Unconditional love is boundless. It forgives. It forgets. It accepts. It gives a second chance to a new life."

Dare she believe in that?

......

One year later...

Life isn't always smooth sailing. It is like a roller coaster ride. There are ups, there are downs.

But one thing I have learnt is to let go and let the past be the past.

Sure, the accusations still resurface. It will never be gone. 

But I have learnt to accept the fact that the whole highly inappropriate, forbidden non-relationship happened and I can't do anything to change it.

Is it my fault? Yes, I still blame myself. Do I still feel guilty? Yes, I do.

Life is all about making mistakes and learning from it. 

There are still sleepless nights and being shocked awake by nightmares.

I still have a long way to go in forgiving myself. Don't think I would ever forget the whole episode though.

As my angel said, I am given a second chance to live. I am going to live my life to the fullest now.

......

'Hey!"

"Hi, E! Glad you could make it!"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, sister!"

"What did I do to deserve such a good un-biological brother like you!"

......

Life goes on... 

Along the way, you would meet people who accepts you for who you are and doesn't judge you because of your past.

Treasure them. Love them.

Most importantly, learn from your mistakes and live life to the fullest.

There is only one life. It is precious. Live it well.

......

The End.

Story - Part 4: Thoughts

Death.

Everyone has their own version of death and the afterlife.

Some say that there is no afterlife, that after you die, there is nothing else.

But there are also theories of burning hell, reincarnation, beautiful heaven and so on.

Nobody knows what exactly will happen after you die.

......

How it easy it is for us to give up life and choose death instead.

You got to fight to live every single day.

But death...

You just......die. The end.

No more fighting. No more emotions. Nothing.

It is so easy to choose death.

After all, death is inevitable.

So, why not choose death now?

......

But.

All the trials that we face in life make us stronger and tougher.

Mistakes are meant to be made so that we can learn.

It is all these tiny, little things that make life colourful and interesting.

Sure, giving up and dying would be easier.

But is this the legacy that you want to leave behind?

......

Life is tough.

But it can be beautiful too.

Faith, hope and love.

Isn't that the basis of Life?

Death is easy.

But sometimes, taking the easy way out isn't always a good thing.

So, death or life?

......

She slowly opened her eyes. The bright lights hurt her eyes and she closed it again. She wriggled her toes and moved her hands. Everything is intact. Great. 

There were sounds of beeping machines, footsteps and people speaking softly.

Hospital. She must be in the hospital.

She blinked and her eyesight slowly came into focus.

"Miss? Can you hear me? How are you feeling?"

She turned her head towards that familiar voice.

"You... Your voice... Who are you?"

......

To be continued...

Story - Part 3: Void

"Where am I?"

She looked around. There was nothing. Empty. Everywhere was grey and misty.

"Hello? Anybody here?"

Footsteps approached her and she turned around. The person's face was covered by a hood.

"Hi..? Can you tell me where am I?"

"You are in the empty space between life and death now."

"Life and death? What do you mean?"

"You have to choose. Do you want to live or die?"

"I-I... Why? What happened?"

"You tried to take your own life."

"I did?"

"You were making amends for your past mistakes."

"I wasn't trying to kill myself!"

"You are here now, aren't you?"

"But- Who are you?"

Without answering, the hooded person turned around and walked away.

"Hey! Where are you going? Don't leave me here!"

"Come."

She followed the hooded person. As they walked, they heard crying sounds.

"That sounds like mother..."

"Yes. She is grieving for you."

"Am I dead then?"

"No. But you will have to choose soon."

"I don't know whether I want to live or not..."

They approached two doors. They stopped.

"The left door leads to Death. The right door leads to Life. The choice is yours. No one can help you make this choice. You do not have much time left. You have to make it now. Live or die?"

"But I... I don't know how to live anymore. The voices... The accusations... The mistakes that I have done..."

"Life is all about making mistakes and learning from it. No matter how big or small. Blaming yourself  is just a waste of time and energy when you could have accomplished so much more had you moved on."

"I don't know if I can live with THAT mistake. I knew it was wrong. Yet I still do it!"

"Then I would say you are just human. But this also says what sort of a human you are. You have good character. You know remorse. You know shame. Many humans do not know that anymore."

"I am a horrible person."

"That, I cannot judge. But when the Judge is willing to forgive and forget, why do you still struggle with it? Why do you still live in the past when you are set free?"

She covered her face and began to cry.

"I don't deserve such goodness! I should die!"

"Unconditional love is boundless. It forgives. It forgets. It accepts. It gives a second chance to a new life."

"But my life is empty and meaningless. The hole in my heart is too much to bear. I will never be able to love again."

"We are made out of love and love we shall forever have. It is part of us. When you are willing to move on, you will see that, in time, you will be able to love again."

"The emptiness?"

"It can be filled. The answer is right in front of you. Seek and you will find."

"I don't know... It's just so hard..."

"Everyone has a chance to choose. But for some, the chance has pass them by and they missed it. For you, your chance is now. It is time for you to make your choice."

"Who are you?"

"Doesn't matter who am I. Time is up. There is no turning back after you made your choice. Choose now."

She looked at the hooded person. Then she looked at the doors. She thought about her whole life and what the hooded person said to her. She took a deep breath.

She opened the door...

......

To be continued...

Hello, my dearest readers! There is a change in my blog's address. It is now e-khoo15.blogspot.my. Thank you for supporting me all these while! Hope you enjoy reading this post!

Story - Part 2: Shattered

Bits and pieces everywhere. It is shattered. Again.

Ouch.

Her tired and tormented mind plus her shattered heart together with her broken soul was driving her to the edge.

"How do I stop feeling? Stop. Please, stop. I can't take this anymore."

One wrong decision. Just one wrong move and it started a chain of events.

Didn't D told her to stop before it's too late? People told her it's wrong. Yet she was too stubborn for her own good and refused to listen to them.

"I will have to live with this for the rest of my life."

"Hypocrite. Dirty. Destroyer." 

There it is again. The accusations that has plunged her mind and soul into the deepest, darkest hole one can only imagine it to be.

She has to stop it. To do that, she has to make amends. Make things right.

The blade lay on her wooden work table in front of her. Shiny. Sharp. Deadly.

She picked it up...

......

"The weather is so hot today!" that's the first thing D said when they met for lunch. "Why are you in long sleeve shirt? Are you feeling alright?" D asked. She smiled and nodded. "Don't you feel hot at all? Goodness!" D exclaimed. She gave another smile and shook her head. Nothing can stop the relief coursing through her whole body. The accusations were gone. She had made amends. Everything was right again.

......

"Hypocrite. Dirty. Destroyer."

"I made amends yesterday! I am supposed to be free!"

"You can never be free! No amendments you make will be enough! You are a whore!"

"Stop! Please, stop! I didn't mean for it to happen this like. I didn't!"

"Think whatever you want. But the truth remains. It is all your fault!"

"No, no, no. No more. No. Stop. I wanted to say no, but-"

"No buts! There are no excuses for your actions! You will go to hell for this! Hypocrite! Destroyer! Whore!"

She lunged for her pencil box that was on the wooden work table. The blade is in there. She has to make amends to stop all these.

......

"Hello."

"Hi."

He stretched out his hand. She took it. A firm handshake. A lingering glance.

"I am your tutor. Let's get started!"

"Okay."

"You are a very lovely girl. Any boyfriends?"

"Um.. Thanks. No, I don't. Never dated before."

"Really? A lovely girl like you is a catch. I would date you if I could."

She laughs shyly, feeling oddly good about herself. It is not very often a guy gives her compliments.

"How about we meet up for tea tomorrow after your class? I know this place that is really good."

"Okay, sure!"

She was so excited about being asked out on a date that she neglected to think about the fact that he isn't all that available and the consequences of her action.

All she cared about is finally being noticed by her a guy.

......

Shattered and broken glass were everywhere. The pieces were gleaming under the white light. She walked towards it and stopped when she reached it.

A sudden pain in her chest brought her to her knees. She cried out. Then she realised her heart was gone and she looked at the gleaming pieces in front of her.

"No... This-this is my heart? But-but... It's broken! No! I need my heart!"

She frantically tried to piece it together again. But it was too shattered. She cut her fingers while trying to piece back her shattered and broken heart. Blood began to flow. 

Now, all she can see is red. It is consuming her. The pain on her hand, her chest. The emptiness. The darkness. 

Something crashed open and she can hear the sound of running footsteps.

Someone is calling her. 

"It's okay. I have made amends. I am free now."

"Have you really? I don't think so..."

......

To be continued...

My dearest readers, sorry for the long wait! My most sincere apologies! Hope you enjoy reading!

Story - Part 1: Broken

*Gasps* "NO!"

With her heart racing, she woke up. Her emotions were jumbled up, her thoughts were disoriented.

"No, no, no. No more. Not again. No."

She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"Shhh... It's okay. It's not real. I am fine. I am safe. It's okay. It's not real. I am fine. I am safe."

Over and over, she repeated it in her head. Soon after, darker thoughts clouded her mind.

"Hypocrite. Dirty. Destroyer."

The tears came, streaming down her face. She covered her face with her hands, a huge wave of shame and guilt washed over her

"This is all my fault. My fault. I am to be blamed."

......

"Hey," D greeted her. She lifted her hand and managed a small smile. "Rough night?" D asked. She shrugged her shoulders. "Same one?" D pressed. She didn't respond. D sighed. "You know it's not your fault. You can't take the whole blame. It takes two hands to clap, you know," D said. She nodded. D sighed again and was about to say something again. But the lecturer started speaking so nothing was said anymore.

"It is still my fault."

......

She walked away feeling more broken than before. Whatever confidence and self-esteem she has was gone down the drain. What was left is a broken body, heart and mind. Used and thrown away like a worthless piece of trash.

One after another. Murkiness. Undefined. Fantasy.

She blamed no one but herself. She should have known better.

......

Night time. Looking into the mirror, she sees a person who will never be clean no matter how much shower she takes. She couldn't bear to look at herself. 

"Hypocrite. Dirty. Destroyer."

Lying in the dark, on the bed, she cannot stop the accusations that were getting louder and longer as the seconds tick by. 

"It's your fault. You are a hypocrite. You could have destroy a family. You good-for-nothing whore."

"I never wanted this. Not this way."

"But you made that choice. Choices were made by you and you alone. You are to be blamed."

She covered her face and started crying out loud.

"Yes. I am to be blamed for having a relationship with an unavailable man. It is all my fault. And the previous undefined relationships. It is all my fault too. I am to be blamed."

......

They are sitting in a quiet corner of a cafe. He holds her hand. She looks into his eyes. She blinks and suddenly, they are lying on a bed. He touches her face gently.

"You know I love you, right? I really do." He kissed her and began touching her inappropriately.

"Wait. Stop. No."

"It's okay. I won't hurt you. Remember, you started it."

"No. Not to this extend. Stop."

The door suddenly opens.

"You are going to pay for this. You are going to hell. This is all your fault."

"Wait, no! I-I-"

"You started it, my dear. It's your fault." He laughs and takes off his shirt.

"No. NO!" 

*Gasps* "NO!"

......

To be continued...

Blessed and thankful

My results for last semester.

I was working (doing my internship now) when I got a WhatsApp text from a classmate in a group chat saying that results are out. I was like, oh my gosh, I thought Saturday only release?! With an anxious heart, I logged in to my uni's student portal to check my results. When that (the picture above) appeared, I couldn't believe my eyes. I was thinking, did the uni messed up my results with someone else's cause there is no way I will get this kind of results. This is a dream, I told myself, my alarm will go off any minute and I will wake up. But, this is reality. I really did get this results. 

This result... I can only thank God for His blessings and grace. Seriously speaking, I couldn't have done this on my own. All my life, I have always been an average student. This kind of result, I only see people get it. It is only in dreams and wishful thinking that I have this achievement. Amidst all the drama (on my side) and everything, I still managed to achieve this. I can do nothing but to praise and thank God for His promises to me. God is good!

"For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, 

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

- The Holy Bible, Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

There are, of course, people that I would like to thank also. Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today and achieving this. First, my family, of course. A big thank you to my parents and sisters for being there for me. They were so brutally honest with me all the time. But I call this tough love. They put up with all my nonsense and wouldn't hesitate to give me a whack on the head for being overdramatic. Whenever I am in trouble, they are always there by my side to support me. Even when I do something stupid or silly, they will still be there for me.

Next, my lecturers. I thank God for the lecturers that I have last semester. They are really awesome and nice. Not only did they do their part in imparting all the knowledge they have to us, they also take the time out to sit down with me and give me advise when I needed it. Their advise and encouragement are priceless and helped me until today. I will never forget them. Also, not to forget all the teachers and lecturers that have taught me in every stage of my life. They, too, played their part in shaping and preparing me.

Last but not least, my dear friends and classmates. To all my friends and classmates, THANK YOU! You all are always here for me, partnering with me for assignments, be my study buddies and listen to all my grumblings. I am sorry for whatever trouble, anxiety or drama I put you all through. I couldn't have ask for better friends than you all. Thank you for your patience, kindness and understanding. Also, thank you for putting up with me. I know I can be a handful and quite difficult. Thank you for everything.

Last semester hasn't been easy for me. Well, I believe it hasn't been easy for any of us. There were many ups and downs. There are the life dramas I believe everyone go through. Then there were the last minute work and late nights. The emotions that I have to deal with. The stress, anxiety and worry. But in the end, I survived and this is the greatest reward to get. I am really glad all the blood, sweat and tears I gave didn't go to waste. =P 

It has been a great journey and many lessons were learnt. But this is not the end of it. I believe there are many more lessons and hardships coming my way. I will be prepared to take them on. There are greater things to achieve in life and I am so ready for it all. Let's do it! (So not advertising for Nike.. Just sayin'.. xP)

THANK YOU, EVERYONE! LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!     

Highlights of 2015

Okay. I know. Don't need to say it. Before you think my blog is dead, I am telling you it's not. It has just been in a long coma. (Not funny? No? I can hear the crickets singing. Okay. Moving on.) Ahem. So. Again, plenty apologies for not updating my blog. I can give you the usual so-sorry-I-have-been-extremely-busy excuse but that is just partly true. I am also lazy. Plenty apologies again. Here is a quite and brief update on what I have been up to since the last time I write and some thoughts on the year 2015.

After winning the EcoWorld video competition, we were invited to sit in for a meeting with the production house FOREFRONT and EcoWorld representatives. Not much of a happening here. Just the usual pre-production stage where we go through the storyboard and think about what modification we are doing and stuff like that. Oh! We were published! In The Star newspaper and Inkslingers, my uni's newspaper. Awesome, right? But that is old news now and it's time to move on.

From top: The article in The Star and the article in Inkslingers.

There are the usual assignments, quizzes and exams. Not to mention work and classes. Things slowed down after exams, which was about 3 weeks before Christmas. Spent my brief break meeting up with some long lost friends and lazing around. Christmas came and went. Then came the highlight. A trip to China. It is a family trip with the exception of my eldest sister who couldn't make it due to some work related issues. We signed up for a tour and it's 8 days long. 

We tour a few cities: Suzhou (苏州), Nanjing (南京), Wuxi (无锡), Hangzhou (杭州) and Shanghai (上海). It was a hectic 8 days and to be honest, I didn't really enjoy it. It was too rush. There wasn't time to really appreciate the surroundings. 

How was China at December, some would asked. One word - cold. I missed Malaysia the entire time I was there. I miss the sun, the food, the need to only wear 1 shirt and 1 pants. No matter how some people insist on differentiating the races here, I am still and forever will be a Malaysian to the core. Skin colour and ancestry line has nothing to do with the fact that I am born here in Malaysia and I am a Malaysian and Malaysia is my home. So what I am a Chinese and my grandfather is from China? Malaysia = home. Simple as that. #SayNoToRacism

Other than the cold, I was being shove around all the time. People in China need to take a few more classes in manners and moral values. Also, I don't really want to go back to Shanghai anymore cause there are too many people there for me to handle. Gosh. Plus, the way the people talk there is like they are arguing with each other. Cultural shock for a poor little Malaysian Chinese - me.

BUT this is just the little bad experience for me. China is actually a very beautiful country. It is rich in history and culture. Once you get past the cold and the cultural shock, you will begin to immerse yourself in this ancient land. I won't say much anymore. Let the photos below tell you the story.

Shi Zi Lin, Suzhou

狮子林，苏州

Photo credits: Me

Fu Zi Miao Ye Shi, Nanjing

夫子庙夜市，南京

Photo credits: Me

San Guo Cheng, Wuxi

三国城，无锡

Photo credits: Me

On our way to Hangzhou, we stopped by a place called Wuzhen (乌镇). It was one of the most beautiful place I have ever seen. 

Wuzhen

乌镇

Photo credits: Me

Xi Hu, Hangzhou

西湖，杭州

Photo credits: Me

The 3 photos above was taken while I was on a cruise ride on the Huang Pu Jiang, Shanghai.

黄埔江，上海

Photo credits: Me

The photos here were just some of the places we visited. Aren't they beautiful? Especially Wu Zhen and Xi Hu. Shi Zi Lin is a close 2nd. I really wouldn't mind going back to these few places. When you are there, the feeling is really different and, believe me, it is a very lovely feeling. You feel very relax and peaceful. So hard to find these kind of places now. It is truly a paradise.

So, what are my thoughts on the year 2015? It has been quite an interesting year. There were a lot of breakthroughs and little achievements that made life really awesome. Of course there were the down-times and the dramatic-times. Come on, what is life if there isn't any of those times, right? Trust me, for a dramatic girl like me, there are plenty of those times. But, the most important thing is that we never give up and persevere until the end. It is through all these stages that we gain experience and maturity.

There are laughter, there are tears. You care because you love and you cannot have love without heartbreak and hurt. But don't stop loving! Because when you stop, it means it has turned to hate and the bitterness in you will make you miserable. Why carry this hate in you and be miserable when you can choose to forgive, forget and be happy?

Life is full of choices. Make the right ones. I know I made some bad ones in 2015. But I learnt a lot from those bad choices and will try not to repeat the same mistakes. 

A new year, a new start. A new chapter of my life is going to start soon as I will be graduating from university this year. I have no idea what the future holds for me. But I look forward to it and I am ready for any challenges ahead. =)