Life and death

Once again, my country, Malaysia, is struck with another air tragedy. Some may say it's bad luck. Some may say Malaysia Airlines is cursed. Authorities are scrambling around looking for the people responsible for shooting down MH 17. MH 370 is yet to be found. But this post is dedicated to the families and friends of the passengers and crews of MH 370 and MH 17. To the people that has lost their loved ones.

My parents fly around constantly for their jobs. It is a norm for me and my siblings to see my parents go off to the airport. It has gotten to a point where I don't really bother to ask them where are they going and when are they getting back. I took it for granted that wherever they go, they will definitely come back. But when the first air tragedy struck, I was shaken awake to the fact that I should never take things for granted. It never occur to me that my parents might never make it back home. That is when I woke up and started to change my perspective on life and death.

Life is so precious and fragile. Death is unavoidable in this world. It's never easy when Death comes knocking at your door. Even when you have prepared yourself to the fact that someone you love is going to die, it's still hard to let go. What about those people that have not prepare themselves to say goodbye forever to their loved ones? Worst still, those people are actually expecting a joyous reunion instead of a grievous forever separation. They have a bright future ahead, so much more to live for. Yet Death comes when we least expected it.

My grandfather's death is unexpected to me too. He was so strong and healthy when I saw him a few days before he passed away. Suddenly, he died in his sleep. Just like that. Gone forever. I never get to say goodbye. It was a horrible blow for me as I was very close to him. I know that comparing this with the air tragedy, it's nothing. But still, it's grief all the same. It's still death.

In Christian context, we believe that there is an eternal life after our earthly death. We believe we will go to heaven and someday we will meet our loved ones again. We take comfort in that when we bid our loved ones goodbye. We say we will see you again someday. It's a mixture of sadness and happiness for us Christians. Sad because of the separation. But joy because the deceased has gone to a far better place and will be waiting for us there. 

But putting religion aside, how do we deal with grief? Does time really heals? For me, time only numbs the pain but will never really heal the wound. There will always be a scar left behind. I can never really empathise with the people that lost their loved ones that were on board MH 370 and MH 17. I have never really been through that. But I can somehow understand the feeling of losing someone forever. The pain and the wound that is left behind.

What had happened has already happened. There is no way we can turn back the clock and stop them from going on board that flight. There is nothing we can do to change the fact that they have died and gone forever. We cannot change the past but we can change the future. Instead of living in the past and grief for what had happened, why not we live for the future and cherish the lives that are still here with us? 

There is no point living in hatred or regret or whatever negative emotions. What is done, is done. Why live like that and make yourself suffer? Will you really feel better if the people that shot down the plane be executed for their actions? Maybe you will feel better but it still doesn't change the fact that your loved one is still dead. Change your perspective. Embrace life and live it to the fullest. Appreciate and cherish the people that are still around you. I believe your loved one would have wanted you to live a full life instead of being a walking corpse.

If you can't live your life for yourself, live it for them. Be thankful for their lives and that they came into your life and brighten your day. Take delight in all the memories and moments that you have shared with them and be happy that at least you get to share it with them. Look at what you have had instead of what you have lost. It makes things easier.

All I can say is, LIVE. Never ever take things for granted. I understand that life is so short and precious and there isn't time or space to grief for the past for too long. Instead, I LIVE. For the future. For here. For now. I always appreciate the time I get to spend with the people that are still around me. So that when they are gone, I will have no regrets whatsoever. I will not say, why I didn't spend more time with him/her? I will send them off saying, we have a full and happy long life. Rest in peace.

To all the families and friends of the passengers and crews on board MH 370 and MH 17, my deepest condolences to you all. May God bless you all, help and comfort you all through this hard time.   

Doomed to Single-dom?!

"The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment" 

- Pastor Joshua Harris, "I kissed dating goodbye"

Recently, I got the news about 2 of my female friends who are younger than me (not to say that I am very old here.. hehe..) have gotten boyfriends. My first reaction was, WHAT?! I mean, hello, hello! How can they, younger than me (ahem...), have boyfriends while older me is still, horror of horrors, single?!?!?! What is wrong with me? Am I not beautiful and attractive?? (AHEM, AHEM... xP) Why am I still single?????????? Am I doomed to the kingdom of single-hood?? (hence the name "Single-dom".. single.. kingdom.. get it?? xD) How dare they not wait for me?!?!?!?!?!

Many young people nowadays, including me, struggle with this problem, which is being single. We are all so scared that we will be doomed to be single and lonely for life if we don't get ourselves a partner now. Afraid that someday, we will be all old and wrinkly, sitting in a creaking rocking chair in some lonely, remote place with an old dog lying beside us. Classic picture, huh? But putting this classic picture aside, what is the REAL reason or reasons that made us all so anxious to find a partner so soon and so young?

Now, my first reaction was a little too dramatic, I know. I was too shock! My second reaction, however, was worry. They are still so young! (again, not to say that I am very old here... hehehe..) Can they handle a relationship? Are they mature enough to understand the "mechanics" of a relationship? Will they last or will they end up in a heartbreak? Now, I am NOT a relationship expert here. But I have made quite a number of painful mistakes to know some things and I don't want the people around me to make the same painful mistakes that I made.

From time to time, I will ask the people around me why they get into a relationship. I also eavesdropped on people's conversation sometimes. (gosh, you have no idea how much information you can get by eavesdropping on people's conversation! I mean, it's so fascinating, you know! BUT, this is NOT to say that you can learn my extremely bad example and go eavesdropping on people's conversation. I do it once in a while to get some information and I only do it when I think it's appropriate to do so. So, don't go eavesdropping on people's conversation! This is not an encouragement, okay? *stern look*) The few reasons are, 1. media influence, 2. peer pressure, 3. want to try something new, 4. ATM machine, 5. living in a fantasy fairytale world, 6. so desperate to be love by someone. There might be some other reasons I didn't list here and the reasons here might not be accurate.    

The thing is, relationships that are based on the reasons above will NOT last at all. Did you see the quote in the beginning to this post? One of the most important "rule" for a lasting relationship is commitment. Along with love, trust, etc etc. The book "I kissed dating goodbye" written by Pastor Joshua Harris talks about relationships but mainly about single-hood. He talks about the dating game that most of us would play. One partner after another. Some of you might think it's okay to be like this. You won't find "the one" unless you date around! But this mentality is wrong! In Christian dating context, God has ALREADY prepare "the one" for you! Why go around breaking people's heart when there already is a person prepared for you? All God asks is for you to wait. WAIT for the right time and when the time comes, the person will come into your life. You will know it when it's the right time.

Okay. Forget about religion for awhile here. Think about this. Let's say you get married at the age of 28. You started dating at the age of, say, 24. Your lifespan is, maybe, 80 years. So, your single life is 24 years and your coupled life is (um, let's see.. should be minus right.. so, 80 minus 24 is... umm.. 64! haha.. I am horrible at maths.. xD) 64 years. Wow. Don't these numbers tell you something?? Your single life is so short! So precious! The time of your life when you are free and carefree. Nothing to worry and think about. Your money is your money. ($$$$$$$) You can do anything you want with it. Travelling, shopping, anything! Once you are in a relationship, you have responsibilities. You have to answer to your partner. Your freedom is sort of taken away. So many things to take into consideration. So, do you still want to get into a relationship so soon?

I remember struggling with my singleness and desiring to have a boyfriend when I was in secondary school. I approached a youth leader in my church, seeking guidance in this matter. She told me a very meaningful parable which I keep in my heart until this day. Imagine you are driving a car. Everyone is driving a car. You, like everyone else, is trying to find a parking spot. The perfect parking spot for yourself. Some people make wrong turns or decisions and ended up parking too far away from the mall. Some people wouldn't wait patiently and settle for the parking that is still a little distance away from the mall. Some people even snatch away other people's parking spot. While you saw a parking spot that you think is the closest to the mall, which is right in front of the entrance. You think that that is the best parking spot ever. But why make your own decision and park in front of the entrance when, actually, if you wait some more, you can park INSIDE the mall? Wouldn't that be better? 

Indeed. When you think that this is the best for you, there is actually a better than best for you that you don't know of. All you have to do is wait. Wait and wait and wait. I mean, what's the rush? We are all still young. Enjoy your single life while you still can. Going out with friends until late without being yelled at by your partner. Being able to make a trip to anywhere without having to consult or check with your partner. Spend whenever on whatever you like. Remember, 64 years "tied down" while 24 years "free like a bird".

Being in a relationship is not easy. I hear it all the time. All the people around me that are in a relationship always tell me this. It takes a lot to make things work between 2 very different people. There will be disagreements, conflicts, etc etc. They sometimes miss their single life. Seriously. But then, again, we human beings never know that what we have now is best until we lose them. We always regret when it's too late. Imagine on your wedding night, your partner tells you that you are his/her first love and asks you whether you are his/her first love or not and in truth, he/she is not your first love as you have other lovers before him/her, what would be your reaction? Imagine telling him/her that he/she isn't your first love and you see the hurt in their eyes. For me, I would be guilty and horrified. I would feel like the worst person on earth because my partner waited patiently for me while I didn't. I wouldn't want to hurt the person I love most this way and I believe neither do you.

Not having a partner now while all the people around you have doesn't mean you are doomed to Single-dom. It just simply means that the time is not right and the right person hasn't come yet. I bless my 2 friends and their relationship. I do hope that their relationship last and there will be no regrets later on. As for me, well, I will just patiently wait until I can park right inside the mall. =)